Do Ya Need A Good Laugh?

[SPEEDO]

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid."

That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask
them anything.

It would be like, "Excuse me... oops, never mind didn't see your
sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes
and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes
over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff
up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes.
Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we
pulled his boat into the 20 dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer
of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them
fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up.
Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel.
There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way
to test it. "All right Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks
good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell
us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my
sign. I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those
side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at
my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I
couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other
three just swelled right up on me.
Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over
to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get
back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the
exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing
his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure.Wouldn't
you know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck
and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for
help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went
through his basic questioning..ok..no problem. I thought sure he was
clear of needing a sign...until he asked "So..is your truck stuck?"

I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and
then back to him and said "No I'm delivering' a bridge ...
Here's your sign."

I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and
said "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes
ago.
Here's your sign."

Anybody you know need a sign today? Send this to all your friends. The
next time someone says something stupid ask them where their sign is.

SPEEDO

[bushmaster]

How about when your having trouble with your isp because you cant get online to save your life and when you call support you get a message saying "Having trouble getting on-line? visit our on-line support page at www.MSN.support.com" Now wheres there sign LOL

[Sunn]

hahahahahahahahaaha Very true!!!!!

I think that comedian guy had show bout this I forget what his name is lol but he also did yanno ur a redneck if? Had a tv show n such .. Here's your sign very funny ....

[bmxer]

Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.

Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her efective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends,"the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and
nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

[bmxer]

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket bout full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.
Man: And then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Again?
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do then?
Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post onthe right.
Man: And then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.
Man: Hmmm...
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.....
Some things you just can't explain.

[gfunkmartin]

haha! that's good bmxer

BTW - the guy with the sign jokes was Bill Engvall...the You might be a redneck if jokes were Jeff Foxworthy. Those hit a little too close to my hometown if you know what I mean.

Here's a few:

My hometown's motto: Hagerstown, Where the men are men and the sheep are scared.

A small West Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a
very rare species of gorilla.

Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very
horny, and difficult to handle. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part-time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages.

Ed was approached with a proposition: Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500?

Ed said he would accept their offer, but only
under three conditions.

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her."

"Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this." The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.

"Well," said Ed, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."

[pmasley]

Are you sure that that small animal park was in West Virginia and not Maryland?

[DocEvi1]

Did you like my site then?

The technology quotes seem to be very similar to that available at http://www.plutonium2010.co.uk/laugh...echnology.htm. It's quite exciting someone's been to my site to see the laughter section and not the Heidi Klum part

Stefan

[Kurylo]

Yes, it's silly and joyful.

[gfunkmartin]

Don't worry DocEvil...I'll stop at the Heidi Klum part

*edit*
whoops...broken link DocEvil...no Heidi Klum either
*end edit*

BTW - pmasley...could've just as easily been Western MD, but I don't think those people are smart enough to run an animal park or know a rare gorilla if it bit them on the ***** hehe

I'm from Western MD, I know those folks...

[DocEvi1]

oh right yes. I have closed the site as a Heidi Klum Shrine. My account at spaceports was closed and I hadn't updated in well over a year......

Never mind I am going to change the site to something else soon to reflect my new job and me that I am sure will chase people away

Stefan

[gfunkmartin]

lol
Out of curiousity...
what's your new job? (GAWD I need a new job)

[DocEvi1]

I work as a ICT Technician in a school. I'm working there until July 19th (counting the days ) then off to Uni.

I was offered the job as a gap year and grabbed the chance, I am payed well (ish) for my work and it can be fun although I shouldn't have worked in the school I had studied at for 7 years

Stefan

[stylin19]

SPEEDO

Thanx for the laffs.

[gfunkmartin]

Nice job Doc...I'm a waiter. I come home smelling like chimichangas every night. But I get 70% off my meals

Good for a poor starving college student like me

GO TERPS!!!