'How to catch a polar bear'.
..... well, whats the answer?
1. Dress up as a female polar bear
2. Let the other bear have his way with you
3. Whack him on the head with a pole, baseball bat etc. while he's relaxed and enjoying the cigarette afterwards.
Maybe a bit painful but it works everytime
Rush in the bathroom while he's taking a shower.
both great im their engenuity but ...... sadly, not the easiest route to mastering the great white beast !!!
Sneak into his den and tranq him up while he's hibernating, then haul him away with a Humvee
The Humvee sounds intriguing but I fail to see how the bear would fall for such a trick!
Note the presence of the word "tranq", a truncated term for "tranquilizer," implying he's in the land of long-term night-night and has no say in the matter.
polar bear capture
First, you cut a large, round hole in the ice.
Next, you place enough peas around the hole to
completely surround the hole. Then, when the
polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in
Lay down on the ice and do your best seal impression. Usually alot of clapping your hands and barking will draw the attention of the bear (it helps if you have previously hired a seal costume). When the bear comes close enough spring up and behind it putting it in a wrestling hold (N.B. I've found that the full nelson hold is quite effective). This will work best if you act fast.
After getting the bear in the hold successfully you may want to employ some sort of "relaxing" technique for the bear. The Austin Power's "judo chop" or "vulcan death grip" seem to be the most popular, though personally I'd stick to a swift quick in the family jewels. Its short, simple and effective. Alternately play some soothing "enya" type music, but this can be quite difficult as you may need to free up a hand to get the CD playing. It should only be attempted by a professional.
Now your bear is incapacitated!
Some common pitfalls are:
1.) waiting too long to jump up from the ice - this usually results in death or loss of limb.
2.) immitating a seal too close to a seal colony - this usally results in some nasty bites, or a male seal mistaking you for a female seal, which can be quite embarassing for both parties.
3.) not establishing a tight grip on the creature - again this results in death or loss of limbs
Six pack of Coke.
you have it Fatal....
cut a hole in the ice, put peas around the hole and when the bear comes up for a 'pea'. you kick him in the 'icehole'.
Cute idea Fatal...
How about this one...
Go to the zoo and ask the zookeeper for one?
Short, sweet, simple, and for a small bribe you get a polar bear and probably a leash too
Steal his clothes when he's not looking.
Complete & Utter Member
Get a freakin BIG net