Prenup: If you could do it over again, would you?

[ablang]

If you could get married again (or start), would you
have your wife/husband sign a prenuptual (premarital)
agreement? Why or why not? How does a prenup affect
future outlook of the marriage?

Guys, how do you feel about asking her? Girls, how do
you feel about being asked?

[BBA]

How do you feel if the woman is the one asking, not the guy?


I think it's not unreasonable given todays lack of devotion to commitments by the general population. I think it's caused by liberal media brainwashing, but you still have to deal with it.

[tonym]

Folks,

IMHO, asking for a prenup is setting the relationship up for failure from the git-go! Better/worse, richer/poorer, sickness/health, etc. are promises we make to one another at the outset. A pact that is enforced by experience and love. A prenup is sort of an "end-game", a way to achieve piece-of-mind in material matters if matter of the heart don't quite work out.

Having the prenup be adopted as a standard practice would be a lousy reflection on the moral and ethical values of our society. Having said this, some horny, rich old guys and gals may need this agreement to protect them from themselves (not the spouse)! They marry a younger gold-digger and poof, without a prenup in place, the trust-funds are raided and the fleecing commences after the inevitable divorce!

For just plain folks, a prenup is a vanity, an indication of unsureness, and I think an impediment to REAL committment!


Tony

[danb4]

My wife would not have married me if I would have asked, and I would not have married her.

I believe that marriage is not only a commitment to each other, but it is a contract made with God as well. Agreeing what will be done with the stuff and money when it ends makes a mockery of the "till death do us part" vow.

Marriage can be a great thing, and it is always alot of work. Those who go in considering the details of a possible exit are setting their marriage up to fail. Honestly, I could care less about everything I own (hehe...not much I admit) compaired to the idea of my marriage ending.

dan

[bdunn]

The only thing I would have asked is that in the event of a civil divorce that a get, a jewish divorce, also be agreed to so that the parties can marry again.

My marriage is rocky, I think towards the end but It could be worse.

I have a friend divorced several years now who would like to get married but he's catholic and the church has to do something to disavow his first marriage and his ex isn't willing to go thru with the process. I'm kinda at a loss for Catholic traditions regarding marriage so if someone can explain it better please go ahead.

[SysOpt]

I believe the Catholic church will only acknowledge one marriage. In order to "divorce" and marry again, the first marriage has to be annulled by the church, as if to say that it never took place or was never official. But it has to meet certain criteria, which I don't know.

[F=ma]

TonyM are you the kind of guy who believes in the saying "If you truely love eachother, nothing can stop you from being together" or something along those lines...

Just a question.

Cause, its my opinion that it takes a lot more than just love. Its logistics, that's why blah blah high percentage of long distance relationships dont break out. Why its almost become cliche for high schoolers to break up after they go to far away colleges (okay HS is a little early granted)... but its more situational.

World's population is what? 6.5 billion? what do you think the odds are of you finding your one special person in a bar on saturday night? If you do find em, better go get a lottery ticket too and don't stand in a field during any thunderstorms either... point being, its highly unlikely.

Allright, a prenup is just a security, its being very real world. Its like saying to a girl who's moving to alaska, that things prolly wont work out for you too (obviously, since you'll see her like ever 6 months or year, if that) relationships dont work that way. Which doesnt mean to say that marriages cant work without prenup, its just that it provides a real everyday perspective. No one's perfect, no one knows what they'll be doin tomorrow, much less (much less) in a year or 10 years. That's common knowledge to me.

When you're up on an altar givin your vows, you are promising the sickness health richer poorer... granted. BUT it doesn't make a prenup moral or ethical. I dont think its standard practice by any means either... and if it was... well that's yet to be seen. Nonetheless, point is: this world is far from ideal, and sometimes it takes a lot more that just love to make things work. Which is why I don't think the prenup deal is such a bad thing.

(I didn't use any quotes, proud of me?)

[danb4]

Yes, the world is far from perfect, and if you find the perfect person, don't marry them, cause they deserve better than you.

Seriously though, I do believe that any time a man and woman begin a life together, there will be strife. It is essential to the marriage to know that the other person is committed to not leaving...even if you might "deserve it" from time to time.

When you run across seemingly happy couples, there is probably alot more work going on than meets the eye. A good marriage is hard work.

Sorry if I'm prattling on, but I say these things cause I think marriage is a great thing. And I think prenumps make a mockery of it.

[BBA]

well...a prenup can relieve any tension that one may have that the other would take advantage of them later. If you take it as an insult, get real.

It makes it a marriage to be with one another in a no stress condition instead of a stepping stone for the other party to feed off of you in the end.

[wyvrn]

I have to agree with danb4. Signing a pre-nup is the same as saying "Just in case this doesn't work out". Like, why are you getting married if you arent 99.44 sure? The whole idea of a prenup is silliness for most people.

[bdunn]

wyvrn: you're a newlywed. I used to think that way too.

[shadow]

I'd do it if I were getting married and had alot of assets.
A marriage is also like a business deal, a partnership. They start out with the best of intentions but sure as shootin, people change with time.

A marriage can look very strong and feel very strong but in fact can be very fragile.
I've been married 17 years and we've had a few tests of strength that would make many marriages come crashing down. We're in too deep, we're family. Besides, no other woman would want me so I'll stay here. Actually I wouldn't change a thing and would marry her again in an instant

A grounds for anullment for a Catholic (I'm one, sorta) would be if the marriage was never comsummated, like that'd ever happen
Those Catholics are so silly

[ablang]

Look guys, I understand that a marriage is a partnership between 2 people, and when things work out, everything is split down the middle (except in CA, the woman gets everything, just kidding!).

Anyways, I'm just saying. I want the prenup to protect my individual assets that I brought in before the marriage. Doesn't everyone want to protect what they worked hard to save for, like an individual retirement?

During the marriage, everything we earn is shared. Kapish?

[jad1097]

Prenup? Never!

I have been with my wife for 11 years well in a couple of weeks it will be 11 years.We do not always agree or even get along but that is just the way friendships/relationships work. We have been on the brink of divorce before because I had a great deal of difficulty expressing my feelings in a polite manner and was drunk all the time. But we worked through it together and overcame it because we both feel very strongly about marriage and divorce. Maybe that is due to our Catholic upbringings.

Admittedly some people should be divorced. But no where near the amount of people getting divorced now.

When you get married it is not like a "business deal" marriage in not a corporation it is a commitment you make to another. When you get married everything becomes ours and not mine or hers for the most part.

I think it should be much more difficult to get a divorce especially if you have kids.

[wyvrn]

ablang:

if you are giving yourself up for someone, I think the pt is that you try to bring what you already have to share in the relationship. It sounds as though by wanting a prenup, you are admitting reservations on how long the marriage will survive, which in my book means disaster. Don't even get married if you have reservations.

bdunn:

That is a generalization in which I do not fit under. I have known my wife for many many years, we have dated, lived together, lived apart, yada yada. Our marriage was strong before we took our vows. Regardless, the pt. I am trying to make is that if you have any reservations, doubts, cold feet, whatever you want to call it about the person whom you are marrying, or whether it will last, they better get answered before you marry or you are setting yourself up for a fall. I condone divorce only when marriage is past redemption, but I think most divorces in this country could be avoided if people were realistic about what marriage is before they jumped right into it.