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Thread: A blonde hurries into the emergency room.....

  1. #1
    Complete & Utter Member j.m@talk's Avatar
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    A blonde hurries into the emergency room.....

    A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
    "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
    "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
    "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"
    "No, silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."
    "So then?" asked the doctor.
    "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
    "So then?"
    "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."


  2. #2
    Complete & Utter Member j.m@talk's Avatar
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    A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious'. Roland, the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious". "Well done, Roland" says the teacher.
    "Can anyone else try"? Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says here's a bug going round, and it's contagious". "Well done, Katie" says the teacher. "Anyone else"?
    Little Irish Shaun jumps up and says in a broad Irish voice, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two-inch brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious."


  3. #3
    Ultimate Member muchmark's Avatar
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    Why do Blondes wear woolly undies?

    To keep their ankles warm.

  4. #4
    Registered User mireland's Avatar
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    ...Then there was the Blond that sold her car for gas money!

  5. #5
    Senior Member TARP2's Avatar
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    Ha. May I use that at my next Human Resources meeting?

    Tarp.

  6. #6
    Gone Fishin' ukulele's Avatar
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    A guy walks into a bar disgruntled after just getting dumped by his blonde girlfriend and sits down by the first blonde chick he sees. He orders a beer and turns to her and says “What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? She says I don’t know. What?” He replies “They’re both empty from the neck up.” She says “Huh?” He says “ What does a blonde owl say?”. She says “What, what?” He says “ What do you say when a blonde won’t give it up? “. She says “Have another beer.” He says “Why do you keep rubbing your belly button? She says “I have a blond boy friend, and I just tattooed my zip code there.” He says “ Well why did you tattoo your zipcode there?” She says “So my male would get delivered to the right box.” Finely disgusted with the conversation she asks “Why do you have a condom on each ear?” He says “So I don’t get hearing aides.”

  7. #7
    Intimate Member
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    SEND THIS WARNING TO EVERYONE ON YOUR EMAIL LIST:

    IF A MAN COMES TO YOUR FRONT DOOR AND SAYS HE IS
    CONDUCTING A SURVEY AND ASKS YOU TO SHOW HIM YOUR
    BOOBS, DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS.

    THIS IS A SCAM, HE ONLY WANTS TO SEE YOUR BOOBS.
    (I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid.)

    Signed, The Blonde

  8. #8
    Ultimate Member Baddog's Avatar
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    Yep....you're back
    Improvise - Adapt - Overcome
    SafeSearch is off

  9. #9
    Ultimate Member tricktx's Avatar
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    hmmmmmmmmmmmm sexist??

  10. #10
    Member excelscior's Avatar
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    Ugly joke!

    How does a guy have sex with a UGLY woman? He jacks off to a porno and then throws it at her. Done!!!!

  11. #11
    Gone Fishin' ukulele's Avatar
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    Ugly joke!
    Done!!!!

    I hope you are done dude!
    You're sick!

  12. #12
    Ultimate Member Baddog's Avatar
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    SysOpt=family
    Improvise - Adapt - Overcome
    SafeSearch is off

  13. #13
    Registered User mireland's Avatar
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    gufaw

    Why was the Blond fired from her job at the M&M factory?

    Cuz she kept throwing away all the W's

    Waa Waa Waaaa

  14. #14
    Complete & Utter Member j.m@talk's Avatar
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    Originally posted by ukulele
    Done!!!!

    I hope you are done dude!
    You're sick!
    No kiddin' us Uke.......... Ya mean yav' never done that?

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