The Test

[BadDriver]

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and
so we decided to get married.





There was only one little thing bothering me... It was her beautiful

younger sister.





My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini

skirts, and generally was bra-less.





One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the

wedding invitations.





She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had

feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.





She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got

married and committed my life to her sister.





Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.





She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last

wild fling, just come up and get me."





I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.





When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down

the stairs at me.





I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a dash straight to

the front door.





I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.





Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all

clapping!





With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said,

"We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't

ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."





And the moral of this story is:





...."Always keep your condoms in your car" .....

[leprechaun_40]

That reminds me, did you see that Australia had an ad out for condom testers? What a job man.

[BadDriver]

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives
at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim, But where's my
husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident at the
Guinness brewery.."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

"I must, Brenda. You husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go
quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee"

[ezerider]

Trouble with testing they try it on animals first

Look at the number of sheep in Aus

[BadDriver]

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you,I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.

Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before,
Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a
brunette, even more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I still kill you tomorrow. "What is your last request?"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse.... alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

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Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eyes and says, "Listen carefully, you dumb-arsed horse; for the last time... bring POSSEE!!"

[BadDriver]

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a
“Living Will”
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine
and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all the beer.