life sucks..

Shinta · 09-30-2002, 01:28 AM

i dunno i just thought i'd write this all down to relief me of some stress since we're allowed to talk about anything we want here..

i was taking 17 credits at my college - black studies, japanese, psychology, calculus, law, and business. i recently dropped japanese so now i'm down to 14. calculus is a pain and i'm stressed out because this week is midterms.

money wasn't really too much of an issue, i was able to pretty much do anything i wanted.. but now it's starting to get tight on me. oen of my credit card statements didn't come so i naturally forgot about it and went overdue for a month so the $ i owed jumped up.

i met this beautiful girl and asked her out about 2 weeks ago. everything was running extremely well.. and i really mean extremely well, we were also very intimate. friday she tells me that her period hasnt come yet, i tell her not to worry because it will come soon, she says.. "i hope so or i'm having bruce's baby" i said.. wtf is bruce?

apparently they had sex the week before i met her, they weren't even a couple or anything ;o naturally i was upset about this whole thing, she told me if it bothered me a lot i didn't have to be around, i told her that i'd be there for her if she needed me for anything, she was surprised that i was still talking to her. we were still pretty intimate.

saturday or yesterday, we fooled around a lot and you know.. so i thought that we were getting pulled closer to each other.

today = sunday, she was a bit quiet, she told me she was a bit sleepy and was goinna take a nap but didn't get a chance to because her friends wanted to go out. we found out that she also isn't pregnant. then all day she was still a bit quiet and steering away from me as if she was avoiding me.. later on in the night, we talked online (we do if we're not together or not on the phone), we always tell each other good night and we love each other and so on..

tonight was different, nothing happened, she just signed off.. she told me that nothing was wrong when i asked her earlier on if she's ok. she's not telling me anything so i don't know what's really going on...

one friend told me that her friends had a similar situation and the couple ended up breaking up.

another good friend of mine told me that since she's not pregnant, her options all change and she's thinking about things and needs time to come around.

the part about options makes me think.. i don't know now if she wanted to be with me more because she thought she was pregnant and knew i would be there for her.. and now that she isn't goinna be pregnant, she doesn't need me anymore..

everything is just too confusing and i have no clue what's going on anymore

Cpl_Squirrel · 09-30-2002, 02:07 AM

It sounds like this girl has a lot going on right now and just needs a break.

I'm fresh off college myself, and I had something of a similar experience...met a beatiful girl, asked her out, we went out and started to become a little close within the next couple of weeks.

Then she just gradually started distancing herself, and it became frustrating, and we stopped talking. I found out later from some friends that she had recently broken up with her boyfriend of like 2 years and that she was pretty much a mess over that.

After with her about this, we agreed that she just needed to take a little time to herself. I just stopped calling her then, and went on with school as usual.

Sometime early the next school year, I called the girl out of curiosity. Oddly, she was happy as bejeesus to hear from me.

My point is, give her some time to herself if she appears to want it. What exactly is troubling this girl you speak of may be different, but I think the remedy would be the same. Right now I think the harder you push, the harder she'll pull away. And good luck in college.

Shinta · 09-30-2002, 02:25 AM

actually i was thinking the same way but i have mixed thoughts a lot such as..

- if i don't gve distance i may push her away

or

- if i give distance, that distance will be permanent

i do however want what's best for her and would be happy if she's happy. i don't really want to lose her but if she needs it then i guess i'll be forced to let it happen..

bushmaster · 09-30-2002, 11:11 AM

If it's one thing I've learned about women is there is still a whole lot more to learn.

You've put yourself there for her. If she's paying attention she see's that. The best thing for you to do is take care of you. Cause you sure as hell can't be there for her with your mind going a million mles an hour. And if you focus on all her problems, and let your needs go astray, you'll end up being a mess, and that's not exactly going to be attractive to her no matter how messed up things are in her life right now.

Lastly, this is something you might not want to hear, but if she was worried about being pregnant from an encounter she had a week before you guy's started being together, she might not be ready for a serious relationship or be looking for the same things as you are. Don't get me wrong. I'm not passing judgement on her or you, and I could be wrong in my way of seeing this. But I have been down the same road many a time and am just trying to share my experience, and what I've learned from similar situations from both myself and friends.

What I would "suggest" is you take a step or two back, breath a little bit, and try to look at all the facets of this situation. If you have any wise old friends maybe ask their thoughts on whats going on.

Most important take time when "falling in love". It's not a race, it's a lifelong journey.

AllGamer · 09-30-2002, 12:27 PM

Well i can definetly relay to that problem.

Me and GF (now wifey) we didn't set off in the right foot either.

she was actually in love with by best buddy, but my best buddy didn't want her at first 'cuz:
1) she was too young, looked like a 13yr old when she was 17

2) she was somewhat way skinny (just the way i like it, so when they go old, they don't go fat *** or nothing

)
3) he had another one already in stock

anyways so well we started going out at first on double dates ands tuff, 'cuz she just wanted to be around by best buddy.

at first i wasn't into her much, but then well you know, that loves thing kicks in after a while

so after a few months we became extremely intimate, and that's when things started to happen

it just seems like every girl will eventually go throught that period of thinking What if, and what they need, etc etc etc...

so for about the next... year or so, it has been nothing but arguments and trouble and stuff.

you don't know how many times i wanted to just let her go and go on my own way, but EVERYTIME when i'm about to do that to her, she'll just call me up or something and kept me by her

and every time it has just been in that nick of time, so anyways after a few years, she has realized she must go on living and just forget about the problems in life.

well in a sense yeah i think people says girls mature faster cuz they think about the needs and consequences, and boys just live lifes to the extreme

well yeah that's me, or that's us, but that doesn't mean we don't care or we don't think about what to do next if something happen

like in my case, well after a while we had that "accident"

that's what happen when you want to have more fun and feel better

so well she decided to abort, but i wanted the little one, so after a we went to the doc, and what the doc explained about the how to and what will happen part, she kinda back off on the abortion plan, and we had the little one.

yes it ain't easy but it sure hecks of a fun having kids around, you're hella busy all day, either playing or teaching them the Do and DON'Ts LOL

if you are alone in and don't have relative arounds, Definitely don't go for kids yet, else you wont be able to have a good time together for a long long while

well, you can probably hire a baby sitter for a few hours

anways.... back to the original subject

Depending on your maybe GF actitude, you might need to give her more Room, and time, or you might just have to keep trying and trying and try try again, until you break through the ice

that's what i had to do in my case

break that extremely think layer of ice

BTW, she's now 20+ and she's still looking like a 17 yr

many times we go out and people just can't believe those are our kids, with that figure

ironik311 · 09-30-2002, 09:44 PM

I'll have to put another vote in for giving her space, as long as she knows that you're there for her if she needs you.

I just got married 5 months ago to my girl and we've been together for over 4 years. I certainly will never know everything about women, but if you listen, are patient and show repect for her feelings then you're on the right track.

the xenon · 09-30-2002, 11:07 PM

i would say distance yourself from her for about a week (do the same thing she done to u, be a little weird) and then bring up a question of if u two should still be together.

or

just go up to her and say all that "lif sux" speech to her!!! and ask her whats going on?? i am sure she will be glad to tell u if ur that intimate.

Shinta · 09-30-2002, 11:35 PM

it finally happened..

today i got home anxious to talk to her to find out if everything was alright.. everything seemed fine for the first 5-10 minutes but then it started to happen again.. ignoring then i told her how i felt about her to see if she still felt the same way..

thats when it all happened crashing down on me in the blink of an eye..

falling into depression :\

sm8000 · 10-01-2002, 01:19 AM

Dude....I am really sorry to hear how you're doing. It sucks, I know. I see it all the time, that's why I stay single and just have my fun for now, while I'm still young. Hell, I'm 23 and I've attracted older women! But I digress.

That's my advice to you: Do other things to take your mind off her. Take care of your studies, work up some cashola for your credit card. Drink some good beer. And get yourself laid. Most importantly, have fun.

Life's too short to worry about some things. Is this the girl you're gonna marry? Look at the big picture and consider what fun you could be having instead of agonizing over a girl, of all things.

AllGamer · 10-01-2002, 01:44 AM

i 2nd what sm8000 said

Have fun, that's the most important thing of life, enjoy life

$1500-P4 gamer · 10-01-2002, 09:02 AM

"Your" life doesnt revolve around a women it revolves around "you". Thats how I think of it. Time will pass, you'll meet another. And she will be just a fading memory. Thats life.

tranka32 · 10-01-2002, 09:38 AM

Hey shinta,, remember the old saying " there's plenty of fish in the sea", well there are,, and if you don't catch one right away,, you always have sysopt,, not very intimate but a lot of good advice.. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off, go out and snag another,,, your too young. I've been in relationships with some rather unstable women, " for some reason I attract them like a magnet", anyway from reading this post I see signs that remind me of my past,, wait till you find a woman who really loves you you'll know when you do... good luck and keep your head up

AllGamer · 10-01-2002, 11:21 AM

Shinta, use a different approach

she's either feeling sorry about the baby thing and you

or she's either worrying about having another one by "accident"

those are the most likely reason why she is distancing herself from you

So get yar **** moving, but when you are with Her, don't go talking about love and ****.

Just go out both of you and have fun

MAKE HER FORGET, that's the key

so give her a good time, DON'T EVER MENTION anything about that stuff for at least a few weeks, give it a month or so

just give yourself prenty of ideas to rebounce in case she don't wanna go out or stuff

you know
most likely easy things she might accept

going out for
movies
lunch
breakfast
dinners
dance
beach
hill crimbing (hmm dunno if she's the outdoor type)
ice skating
bowling
go out with a group of friend
go take a tour together
hmm.... well heck a lot more things to do

so the first important thing is to get her out of her BOX

then MAKE HER FORGET the sorrow

then you can win her heart

that's how i got mine

Strawbs · 10-01-2002, 12:37 PM

She is obviously confused and hurting too.

She sounds like a woman that's either had a Miscarriage or an abortion (Miscarriage happened with me some years back), and even if she was never pregnant in the first place, the feelings that women go thru are the same, and she may feel as tho she is starting all over from scratch.

Give her time and help her to heal by making her smile.

Don't get heavy by telling her your true feelings, she may not be ready to hear that just yet, She will still be thinking about what could have been.

after a few weeks she'll let you know where the two of you stand.

Whatever you happens, don't YOU get down or things may never be the same between you.

Stick in there and good luck.

bushmaster · 10-01-2002, 05:04 PM

Has anybody considered that women go through some major hormonal changes when they both get pregnant and terminate a pregnancy? Besides that fact that it's natural to mourn a loss even though some might not consider what has happened a loss. It is a loss all the same.
Just let time do what it needs to and focus on tasks at hand and all will be well eventually.