Dating: Does age difference matter??

[Gutter Ball]

Okay, first off, this is NOT about me (really, it's not). Since I know I will get mature replies from here, I'll post http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif One of my friends is dating someone 10 or 11 years younger than he is. He's 31 and she's around 20. I personally don't think anything is wrong with it. Now if she was 14 and he was 25, then there might be a problem. A few of the other guys are really letting him have it. You know "robbing the cradle" and "playing with little girls" type comments. I tell him to ignore the comments, but I know it's starting to bug him. I think the girl is pretty mature and it was her who asked him out. They seem pretty happy. Is there a conception about age and dating/marriage?? Does it really matter that much? Any opinions appreciated.

[surrealchereal]

Now if she was 14 and he was 25, then there might be a problem. A few of the other guys are really letting him have it. You know "robbing the cradle" and "playing with little girls" type comments.
I am wondering what is it about him that is so emotionally deficit, that he needs to relate to someone so much younger?
I disagree with my good friend CaddmanQ that love conquers all. Men seem to think this, not thinking about the fact that when they are in their 60's a healthy woman in her forties would not be attracted to him. We all know that as men age the sex drive drops and as women age it accelerates. Duh. Yeah and then maybe the reply is sex doesn't matter that much?
Well, would the men have said that in their 20's? I think not.

[NavyDood_ F/A18_Mech]

surrealchereal.........

So what your saying, my wife of 2 years that is 21 years old (I am 31), is my fault because I am emotionally deficit, and I needed to relate to someone so much younger?
Uh sorry, hate to tell ya this, but that is NOT the case. Love is a beast or heaven. It so happens that it was heaven on my part. Age should not make a difference under most circumstances. When we are talking underaged ppl dating older ppl, then yeah, that could be a problem.

Please think of others that may be regulars to this board before insinuating anything.

GutterBall.....
If he truely loves her and wants to be a part of her, then tell him to brush the comments aside. They are words. But I know that easier said than done for some people.

Jim



[This message has been edited by NavyDood_ F/A18_Mech (edited 08-27-2001).]

[surrealchereal]

What I thought we were talking about was dating and I stand by what I said:
NavyDood_,, I hope for your sake, that when you are older, she is happy with what she has.
All I can speak of is MY experience.. I thought that is what we were doing speaking of experience. I wasn't casting stones. Sorry if you felt hit by one. Bottom line? I'm 47 and if you think I am interested in a 60 year old man think again! (sorry obviously a big button has been pushed for me.) I resent any man for thinking I should settle for less than he would settle for, therefore my remark about when you were 20 would once a week or month be enough for you? Well, if that's the case good! Just make sure you have a mate that will feel that way in 20 years.

Please think of others that may be regulars to this board before insinuating anything.
Jim, just what does that mean? Can you clarify that comment?

[This message has been edited by surrealchereal (edited 08-27-2001).]

[Szech]

There are cases where I would say yes, it does matter. For instance, oh... Gary Condit. Times when an older person is in a position to manipulate a younger, more naive person.

But, I know of two married couples off the top of my head where there is an age difference of 10 and 15 years. They are both loving and functional, and I suspect they work so well because of common interest. The couple 15 years apart (friend's parents) are both heavily into religion. The couple 10 years apart (last roommate's brother) are art fanatics.

What I would be more concerned about is what she wants (the 20 year old) in a relationship. What she wants now may change in a few years, and your buddy could end up with a broken heart. People want and expect different things in a partner as they mature.

I do think love is vital in a relationship, but it won't make the relationship work. I.E. You can love your parents, but not be able to stand being around them. Battered wives insist they love their husband, and it's not his fault her arm is broken. Sorry, but it does take more.

[This message has been edited by Szech (edited 08-27-2001).]

[surrealchereal]

Nowadays, self-love is the rule, and love of others the exception.
Yeah, CaddmannQ I agree with you on that one, sigh, to the point if you love someone and actually consider them before yourself, your considered weak, and not worthy of respect. go figure,
Too you are talking a realtionship with real love, one based on communication and mutual respect.,, That guy is a real oddity.(and you know how unusual your relationship with your wife is compaired to your friends and peers).

[Barney]

I have to agree with surrealchereal. I can't honestly understand what a 30-something guy sees in a 20 year old (other than sex). The average 30 year old is so much more mature than a 20 year old. I can imagine that that isn't very important when you're in love, but once the "in" part is gone and only love is left, relationships often break up. It has everything to do with maturity and life experience, all gained with age. At some point the woman will get bored, because he doesn't want to go to a bar or other things like that anymore. He has already done that the last 10 years. He will start to get annoyed about how ignorant his girlfriend is about a lot of things, how little she know. I guess the relationship has more chance if the woman has a high IQ and the guy a lower IQ.

Btw, this isn't my experience talking (hell, I'm only 18), but my mother's. When my mother was 40, she seperated from my father who was 50 at the time. They were maried for 20 years...

[rlpos]

I say take the ride, Let the wind blow thru your hair(if you have any left) and enjoy the moment for what it is

[surrealchereal]

And let the chips fall where they might, just don't be shocked when and where they do.

[Gutter Ball]

Yah, that's a good idea...He should just "go for the ride" and "enjoy the now". Who knows, "after all the chips fall" it might work out for them!! Thanks for your opinions, I'm sure they'll be appreciated!

[sharder8]

Well ****! I just gotta throw my .02 in!! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif

The only people that the age difference will matter to, (with the exception to Szech's comment) There are cases where I would say yes, it does matter. For instance, oh... Gary Condit. Times when an older person is in a position to manipulate a younger, more naive person. is those who want to stick their nose into something that is none of their business! (My Mom is great at this! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/frown.gif )

Harder

[This message has been edited by sharder8 (edited 08-27-2001).]

[Bovon]

My first wife was 4 years younger, my second wife was 5 years older...neither laster...go figure... LOL...maybe I shoulda got one 14 when I was 25 and raised her!! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/biggrin.gif http://www.sysopt.com/forum/biggrin.gif

[Warthog]

From absolutely no experience whatsoever, I say it differs on a case by case basis http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

Warthog

[surrealchereal]

Hehee! Bovon, or vice versa http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif

[stylin19]

age difference not important...but they must be Morman.
I don't care how you bring 'em, just Bringham Young

[Bovon]

http://www.sysopt.com/forum/biggrin.gif Good point, surrealchereal!!!!

[draboo]

after reading this thread,the topic seems to drift to the 11 yr age difference between a 31 and a 20 yr old. would the same comments pertain to a 41 and a 30 yr old? me thinks not.(usually)

[surrealchereal]

Actually I think the age difference between the 40 and 60 year old is greater. She's late 40's and he's 60's, or worse shes in her 50's and he's in his 70's. That's where I think the gap gets wider, later in life more so than in the 20 - 40 mid life.

[MTAtech]

My father is 8 years older than my mother. They've been together 60 years.

Ted Turner is in his 60's and found himself a 26 year old woman. Prince Charles was in his 30's when he married Diana, who was in her early 20's. John Derek was/is 25 years older than Bo.

Botton Line: 1)It isn't that unusual. 2)Age difference can matter, but more to the people observing the couple than the couple themselves.

[tantone]

The question isn't "DOES AGE DIFFERENCE MATTER?"

The question is "DOES AGE DIFFERENCE MATTER TO THEM?"

What do we care if they want to date someone 10 years their senior or junior? If they love each other, are enjoying their lives, and making it what they want (not what everyone else wants) then who really gives a rats ***??

[Bovon]

Well, talking about the difference between a woman of 40 and a man of 60 reminds me of a story about something simular...

There was a well dressed lady that went to a fabric shop to purchase some material to make a nice night-gown.

The sales person led her to where the bolts of fabric were, and left.

After awhile, the sales person came back to check up and see if the lady had made a decision, which she had.

The sales person started pulling off a few yards of the material, and looked questionally at the lady, who said "more"...the sales person pulled off several more yards, and asked again??...

The lady said..."more".

Finally, after there was about 15 to 20 yards of fabric on the table from the bolt..the sales person asked desperately...

"You DID say you were going to make ONE night gown, didn't you"??.

The lady said "yes"!?!

The sales person said, "Ma'am...I'll be happy to sell you all of the fabric you want, or need...but...this is enough fabric to make several night gowns".

The lady responded..."Well, I married an old coot. He's about as rich as they come...and he gets about as much pleasure looking for it, as he does finding it" !!

[maface]

I'm 32yrs old and I would'nt mind dating a 20yr old (If only they would date me)
I guess I'm emotionally deficit or maybe I'm just honest!

[stylin19]

lots of examples about older men/younger women.......not too many examples about the opposite.
My wife is 2 months older than me, so she gets the business about hitting the assisted living home before me.

how about some stories about older women, younger men?

[korgul]

My wife is 8 years older than I am and we have been married for 9 years next month. I would not trade it for anything, not even for a woman that is younger than me.

korgul

[crockett]

I dont see a problem with it.. heck Im almost 29, but I look like Im about 24. I have no problem at all with dating a girl in her early 20s. But she has to be a great sex toy (just kiddin 4 u uptite people or am I 8) ) Na really if the girl has some sence and is mature there is nothing wrong with it. IMO

[This message has been edited by crockett (edited 08-28-2001).]

[Bovon]

crockett... I have some young female relatives in Satellite Beach. I gotta call and warn those gals to absodamlutely never date anybody from around Cocoa!! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/biggrin.gif http://www.sysopt.com/forum/biggrin.gif

[crockett]

noooooo lol im really a good boy

[t048]

I had a teacher in high school who was 67 and his wife was mid forties and they got along great. Age doesn't matter for them. http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

[SPEEDO]

Well I guess I need to get my two cents worth in, My wife is 20 years younger than I am.
It doesn't bother me and it doesn't bother her we are very compatable and get along really well.
There are no guarantees in any relationship, I say go with the flow, Enjoy life!!!

SPEEDO

[crazyray]

The general feeling seems to be that anything is possible and love conquers all. I'll go along with that. But I have real concerns about the motivations and/or psychology of anyone who insists on choosing ONLY men/women who are significantly older or younger than themselves. You know what I mean?

[surrealchereal]

But I have real concerns about the motivations and/or psychology of anyone who insists on choosing ONLY men/women who are significantly older or younger than themselves. You know what I mean?
Thank you!

Ya know you guys can be ruffled all ya want the fact remains that society accepts almost expects a woman to be younger than the man.
What stylin19 said is very true, oh your wife's older? And the ribbing begins,
As was said in the Bill Gates post "Life isn't fair" I accept that! But it for some it is fairer than others. I'm sure I am not typical, after all I admit to suffering from Arrested Development something just snapped when I was about 18 and broke. I still love to do all the stupid stuff kids do, I can't help it, it's how I think. Loud music, foot in mouth, giggling, forgetting to look before I leap, and pay the bills on time. I also am single, and look around, what's my competition with guys my age or a year or 2 younger. (or 10 teehee)? Babes that are 10 or 15 years younger than me.

And so it goes, but that was from the heart, and as I said in my first post, this subject really pushes my buttons.. sigh, back to my life lessons. http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

[RustyGT]

Age difference?

OK I know you are looking at older males and younger girls.
So off the topic: At age 28 I had a great 12 mths with a Lady 47. Consenting Adults perhaps. Great fun indeed!

Condit and Clinton is not about age, It is about power, and the perception of same.

Shame! on public figures, that take advantage of the adulation.

Away from the spotlight, It's a human thing.
ChrsR.

[gjwilson]

Well.....now it`s my turn to throw in 2cents worth of experience...another male point of view. My wife is 17 years younger than me. She was 25 when we met and 7 years later we`re still together (married for 3). I personally feel it depends on the individuals` maturity levels and whether they have similar goals in life if they paln on staying together. Yes, my wife has some concerns about our "later life" together but then if I can`t keep up with her maybe she should trade me in for a couple of 30 year olds. As for simply dating someone... as long as they are both of legal age then age is unimportant.It only becomes an issue when you`re ready to commit.Gary

[ablang]

Some might say that my reply is a little biased, but those who have been out there know what I say to be true.

I think the young lady might just be wanting the man for his earnings potential. He would be better off letting her go and just staying single. Believe me, I have never been happier after having done that. When you accept that no woman can make you happier than you will make them, then you know it to be true.

[cadetstimpy]

Sometimes it's a good thing and other times it can be like hookin you PC to a clapper in a room with an auto door closer....your just asking for trouble! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

Basically it depends on the individuals involved and then motivation for being together. Unless it involves a non peer work environment situation, then heck! why not!