Looking for advice/suggestions

[richamies]

OK well I guess I'm pretty much the happiest guy on this planet right now. Taking a VERY good look at moving over to live with and be with this girl, uproot everything, sell the pc's and EVERYTHING. No going back. I'm not gonna ask a stoopid question like "How do you know when it is worth doing it". I already know the answer to that and want to do it.

Someone throw some much needed advice and/or moral support this way as it's looking very hard at the moment.

http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

I can't explain to you all just how good I feel now. PC's/jobs/family/money are all meaningless. Family think I'm jumping in too far too fast but it feels right. Completely.

Nothing has ever felt so right as when I hold her, or talk to her, or walk with her. Someone say something http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

[jad1097]

If it feels right then go with your heart Rich. But at least keep one PC. http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif

When I asked my girlfriend(now wife) if she wanted to move I could not even finnish saying where and she said when.


My family hated my wife and now they love her, except the step mom and who cares what she thinks.
Besides it would save you tons money so you could be here again http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif.

The point is do what you feel is right.

[richamies]

Everything has felt right so far. From the look in her eyes to the feel of her hand. I think my family are beginning to flip but it is meaningless, I will do it regardless of their opinions or lack of support. They can either be a part of my life or not, it is up to them.

Both PC's will have to go I think, every penny has to count right now as I don't know how long it will take to find a job down there.

Anyone want a nice celeron 300a or a K6-II 400? Both will come with some sort of warranty, depending on the spec and how clocked you'd like them http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif.

Should all this scare me so much? Although it does scare me enormously, I sleep better now than I have done for months but it still isn't enough really.

All this is teasing my mind. Life doesn't seem to be too fair on a whole. Does it get better?

[tonym]

Rich,

I remember a quote (not exactly, but you'll get the point) from a movie with Steve Martin (methinks "Father of the Bride") where an elderly woman gave him this this advice:

"...Life is like an amusement park. Some people like to ride the carousel, going round and round and round. I, however, prefer the ROLLER COASTER, with all its ups and downs!..."

My advice...hop off the **** carosel and grab a hold of the roller coaster car. Hold on tight but the ride will be fun and you will NEVER regret it!

Best of luck and:

"May you have a long, happy, healthy, and prosperous life filled with family, fun and love, and may your fondest dream never exceed your grasp."

Tony

[This message has been edited by tonym (edited 02-13-2000).]

[Richard_Cranium72]

Nothing feels as right as the first weeks/days of new Love. The emotional upheaval is so tremendous that ones who have never experienced it haven't the slightest clue of the magnitude. I for one support you in this decision, just keep in touch with the family even more than you have before.. This is very important, the future is uncertain at best, enjoy life to it's fullest..Don't be like so many others with regrets that you didn't TRY something in particular that you wanted desperately. When I met my wife no one liked the idea much either, but our attraction was so intense that nothing could pry us apart... We never spent a day apart for four years,, till I lost some sanity.. and.. well , another time.. Point is, go with your heart and observe your partner with your eyes also and make very sure that she is in as deep as yourself.. remember no one is perfect. Also mark the calendar on the day, you know the one,, the every 28 day thing.. send flowers or a card or just something nice to reassure that you're sincere.. I KNOW what you're feelling,, ain't it great ??? Plant a big one on the back of her neck for the ole corvette doctor,, take care,, keep in touch,, DrVette

[BBA]

Richard...One day you will look back and remember this message...and know it!

Seems the biggest thing about a lasting relationship is one in which you don't have to make concessions, but everything is agreed on. Small compromises work sometimes.

If she has anything against internet usage, well, thats a bad sign because you seem to be changing your habits to please her. That does not work....ever! It is only a temporary change one will make out of lust, and will cause difficulty later.

One word of advice...if you have to change to be with her...dump her!


Now, if only I could find a girl who likes all the stuff I like!

Ok, now, with all the cynical stuff said, GOOD LUCK!! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

[richamies]

Computers are going because of the need to free up some cash, not for any other reason. She uses the internet and spends quite an amount of time on here, all because of me http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif It was and is my decision to sell the kit, no pressure or even suggestions from her. I keep my stereo though http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif so she will have very sore ears from listening to my appalling range of music http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

[alpha]

Rich, glad to hear you're happy. Hope you don't regret selling the machines. Even though you'll be machineless, visit the board when you can. *Rich is dragged kicking and screaming away from his K6-2*

Seriously, how much do you want for the 300A? And how much for the board??

If I can get cash, the 400 might be an option...

email me....

[CMonster]

Alas - *true love is like the flower; get it while it's budding and hold on through the blossom - do not forsake her when she wilts and the petals fall to the ground - in time the petals themselves nourish a new flower springing up from the barren earth of your heart. ..

**that's an original BTW.

..on the material plane it cannot last .. but the "ride" is why you are here..embrace the passion.. embrace it! You do not know how blessed you are to find this one... perhaps you will carry this back into eternity.

one last caution... don't burn your bridges -
you may need (not want) to cross back over them...

GP

[richamies]

CMonster -
"true love is like the flower; get it while it's budding and hold on through the blossom"

I think that could be the nicest way anyone has ever described something to me before.

"You do not know how blessed you are to find this one... perhaps you will carry this back into eternity."

I completely understand how blessed I am to have found her, and can only hope that we ride into eternity together.

Man, thats gotta be the sweetest and cutest thing I've ever heard a man say before <sniff>.

Thanks you guys. Nice to see some understanding and caring people out there.

[Dave_H]

Rich
I was pleased to see your name listed again, it's been a while. I have waiting for you to check in and give us an update, seems like everything has been going very well indeed.

I was in a similar situation as you Rich.
I thought I knew what love was, but I was wrong. I was wrong because I found the real thing only 5 years ago. I met the girl of my dreams and I absolutly flipped head over heals for her. Maybe there really is something about fate, or destiny. We have been happily married since that time and I consider myself so lucky to have found her and so glad I did what I did to get her and keep her. Every day for me is still a gift.

As for you buddy, Why do you ask when you already know the answer? http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

Wishing you the best Rich. Good luck http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif
Dave
p.s. keep one computer

[Ed_S]

Rich, you got to go with your feelings here.

But BBA is dead right about changing to please your mate - the change won't last even if the relationship lives forever.

Food for thought about the 'puters. - The amount they bring is a drop in the bucket when starting a new life. It will dissapear into household goods without a trace, and you BOTH loose something.

I don't mean just losing a hobby, either. You may not believe it now, but you'll see - everyone needs a place to get away from their mate occasionally. Having it gives you a place to go, and gives HER a place to send YOU!
(BTW, you'll be starting to need this around the 2nd week)

Been married 17 yrs now, and I guarantee that if I didn't have "getaway" activities, it would have ended long ago.

Ed

[socalgal]

All the advice above is great..

I will just add to love passionately with your heart, but don't forget to think with your brain! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif (IOW, don't let love blind you, and not changing to suit another is good advice. One falls in love with someone the way they are, and then wants to change them, I don't understand that one?..)

You're very lucky to have found it Richamies and I wish you all the luck and best wishes in the world!

If you are sure without a doubt within your own heart and head, then go for it whatever you really feel is right for you! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

Anyway, my $0.02......



[This message has been edited by socalgal (edited 02-13-2000).]

[narayan]

Rich, it sounds like you are in some sort of shock (in a good sense http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif. I hope that one day I will have someone that is as special to me as she is to you.

[richamies]

Hey! I have no doubts in my mind whatsoever, but sometimes I need a little reassurance from those with such good judgement. The computer is going because :-

1. I need t osupport us both for a while, and need some money to start that off.

2. To keep the PC would mean a phone line, and therefore phone bills.

She has not and will not change me, I can be rather strong willed when I need to be. And I want to change nothing about her, apart from the distance between us and to help ease the problems she is stuck in the middle of right now.

As I said in my first post, I'm just here to get a touch of moral support and a little reassurance as it's getting a bit hard to find here, with my family. So I turned to my 'second' family.

But thanks for the (mostly) positive thoughts from you guys! It means a lot.

[socalgal]

Hey! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif Did I sound negative? Wasn't my intent whatsoever! I am very happy for you that you have found happiness, it's rare, and I do wish you and Abi all happiness forever! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

Happy Valentine's Day http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

[richamies]

Happy Valentines Day yourself, you'd be close to the top of my list but don't tell Abi ok?

And I wasn't having a go at you or anyone on here, just getting a little down with lectures from fathers at 8am on a sunday morning.

Sorry

[U-96]

cool stuff rich, I wish you the best of luck. It may seem like a big step but everyone does it at some point (hey even your parents! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif )

Talk to the bank about overdrafts etc. most are very understanding, especially if your main concern is getting money for renting/buying a house. Been there, done that...
The money gained from selling a 2nd hand PC will be negligible, and you will lose a resource that could potentially make you money, whether you help someone (or yourself!) with a CV, write a webpage, database whatever...
Just tinkering with the insides or Windows/Linux will keep you ahead of the field in the job market... think about the long term, not just next week.

I hope everything works out though, sounds like you're on to a winner! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

U-96

[alpha]

Well Rich, We'll all miss ye.

Be good, and visit many cybercafes! Also, don't loose your password for SysOpt or you email accounts. You might still need them sometime http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif

I know what you say about the phone line, but you could get a P133, a 33.6k modem and go with a fixed rate ISP, i.e., a fixed few of aroung 15quid a month for unlimited access, inc. phone calls.

How much for the 300A??

[BBA]

Best of luck to you both...I hope the money situation works out in the long run! ( It's a big factor of relationships...so be on your toes!) Oh...no more preaching...sorry!

Good luck!

PS: Sell the PC as what it is! If it OC's well, just stipulate that in the bargaining, might help the conscience!


Oh, and happy Valentines day to both of you!

[deep_sky]

rich..
i just read through the entire thread and i am of two minds. i have seen my friends who had met a person on-line never have a good experience out of it, so I would be cautious about it. but if it feels right, then do what feels right. it is not logical to do what feels wrong, and since we are computer geeks, we all have at least a touch of computer in us. i would not sell all of your computers. it is a temporary fix at best and you have lost your hobby. will not be easily reaquired either. i understand you have the best of intentions with the idea. but you loose your connection to us, your second family, if you do. how can we support you if you are not connected to the net? keep the celeron, since you seem to prefer it, and go be with your girl....

if you are selling the k6-2 system, what kind of board does it have and how much would you ask for it?

[Joel Kleppinger]

Of all those here, I'm one of the few that doesn't think it matters whether you sell your PCs or not.

What concerns me is the speed of the relationship as you describe it. So often, I've seen people that thought they were in love only to get into a relationship and realize it wasn't right after complications had already developed. The sad thing is that the majority of the time, the families had predicted it.

Keep in mind, that when in the heat of love (and believe me, I've been there), it's often most difficult for the two involved to be objective. Slow down a little, listen to the parents, both yours and hers, and get some pre-marital counseling. Think long-term, not short-term.

My only plea is to be careful and not be afraid to go slowly. How deep this relationship ends up could depend on it.

If she's worth waiting for, then wait for her. http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif Be willing to be patient.

[SysOpt]

How long have you been going out? I'd say follow your heart, but unless seeing each other is a real strain on your lives (because of geography, etc.) that would be alleviated by moving in together, there probably isn't any harm in keeping things the way they are for a while. If you still both continue to feel the same in some time, go for it.

[pickel]

Been there done that.( a few times) Love is wonderful but you need to plant your feet on the ground and take an objective veiwpoint too. The things that seem meaningless now, will soon, as the rigors of life settle in, become an important anchor that won't be around when you need it. When the s..t hits the fan, and you want to talk to your buddies on the net like you're doing now... no computer no exchange of feelings , ideas, just the comradship to blow off some steam that might get directed in the wrong place causing more strain and discontent. Go ahead and jump, but always have something to fall back on. I gave up a tremendous career opportunity, friends ,the city I love, family and more. But I made a life, it was tough and still is but I'm not crying over spilled milk. Only trying to give you my thoughts after 30 years of marraige. It's not all picnic baskets and summer outings. There are harsh winters, sometimes with no end in sight. Gotta keep at least one eye open or you'll trip all over yourself. I sincerely wish you the best, I know how you 're feeling and it's there no other experience in life quite like it. But don't get in the lifeboat just to watch the ship sink, cause if the seas get high you may not be able to find land and can't go back.

[richamies]

sorry Alpha - I really want to keep one of my beasts, and the 300a is the most upgradeable(on a slot 1 with a slotkit) so that would be the one I keep. The money I can get for my K6 II and monitor etc *could* keep us in food and most bills for a month so I really have to ditch at least one.

The modem stays. Whatever. http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif A 33.6k modem is worthless but is priceless to me if you know what I mean http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif.

I never thought I'd drum up so much support on here - thankyou, all of you. It really makes me smile http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

Now........do I sell the K6 II as a 400 or a 500? Hmmmmm..... Who's gonna know the difference eh?

I doubt I will but it is easy money isn't it? hehehe

[Barney]

I would sell it as 500MHz,I'm going to sell my 333 as 400.Makes a lot of difference (in the price you get for it).Glad you aren't selling both the computers,we wouldn't want to miss you.Good luck with your girlfriend.Try to follow your heart,brain and instincts at the same time:just do what seems right (to you).

[richamies]

^^BUMP^^

I'm still here, and so is Abi. I just wanted to say 13 months ago I made the best decision of my life, and I love her with all my heart.

BTW, when this thread was started the forum wasn't called 'General TECH Discussion'. http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

Thanks to all those who helped and believed. I'd do the same all over again with no hesitation whatsoever. For the first time in my life I feel truly happy and loved.

[eagle1]

Heyyy !! Congrats man.! It's good to see someone succeed in love as well as life. Oh and it's good to see that you have a computer (heheh just kidding..!)..

Welcome back..!

[eagle1]

Heyyy !! Congrats man.! It's good to see someone succeed in love as well as life. Oh and it's good to see that you have a computer (heheh just kidding..!)..

Welcome back..!

[GroundZero3]

wow selling his computer for a girl he loves. im pretty **** impressed it would take alot of people to pry my dead cold fingers off my computer. Nah just kidding hey congrats man. stay in touch!

Jason

[chuckiechan]

Did she fall in love with the original Richamies with "PC's/jobs/family/money".., or the one that is going to "Control-alt/delete-end task" of many of the things that made Richamies who he is?

If so, keep some identity for yourself, since it is going to come out again anyway, not maybe through PC"s, etc., but if you are changing just for the relationship, you may want to slow down and create a identily as a couple and see how it fits. You need to realize your two individual identities are not blended into one, but into a third identity-that of the couple which eventually leads into to the ultimate identity - that of a family....

However, If you want to keep it simple-go for it!

[This message has been edited by chuckiechan (edited 03-11-2001).]

[Brangwen]

Good for both of you. Some of my fondest memories... Enjoy the ride. Bonne chance!

Brangwen http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif

[Barney]

As I said before, I'm glad things are going great with you and Abi. http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

You know, I really missed you (and your humor) the time you were gone. http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif

Ronald http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

[richamies]

Sad git http://www.sysopt.com/forum/biggrin.gif http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif

Awww I missed you too! **HUGS!**

[Barney]

Yikes! <IMG SRC="http://server2044.virtualave.net/r0nald/ubb/biggrin.gif" border=0>

http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif

[socalgal]

Wow. A whole 13 months already? Geesh, time flies!

Congrats to you both and happy to see you're still together; good to see you back here, as well. http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

She must be a special gal to put up with ya! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/biggrin.gif JK, of course http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif Many continued blessings to you both.

[socalgal]

Oh, moved to Community.

[Romulus2]

She must be a special gal to put up with ya

Special??? She must be an angel with the patience of two thousand saints!!! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/biggrin.gif

Good to know you're not only still alive but as sane as you ever were, Rich. Hmmm . . . http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif

Still thrashing you at RC5 though! hehe http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

[jad1097]

David you better go take a look at his post here (http://www.romulus2.com/ubb/Forum13/HTML/000309.html) .I think she left town for a week. http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif


I passed him sometime last week on the official distributed.net page, or was that the week before last. HA, I just checked and I will pass you this week. http://www.sysopt.com/forum/biggrin.gif

I am glad to see the two of you are still together Rich.

[This message has been edited by jad1097 (edited 03-11-2001).]

[Romulus2]

Aggghhhh!!!! I'm sunk! Come back, Abi! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/biggrin.gif

[This message has been edited by Romulus2 (edited 03-11-2001).]

[richamies]

MWUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

You really should upgrade that old Abacus of yours Rom2. Ya can't move ya fingers fast enough any more http://www.sysopt.com/forum/biggrin.gif

[Romulus2]

Ha! My fingers move in all the right places! http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif

I know you think you've got a PC, Rich, and you've overclocked it as much as you can. I've always hated to disillusion you (I have a lot of sympathy for the mentally challenged) but I've tried to tell you gently before: "PC" really stands for "personal computer", not a "pocket calculator". http://www.sysopt.com/forum/biggrin.gif

[richamies]

http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

I know who's smiling really David. The man with more processing power than a pocket calculator http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif.

I hardly own a Cray, but it's a little quicker than your 8088 http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif.

Rich
http://www.sysopt.com/forum/biggrin.gif

[BBA]

WOW!!

Glad it worked out http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

Man...seems like yesterday, but a year ago.

I was reading my original reply and was thinking how I would have replied today...I would have replied much the same way as Joel did. I would have urged you to take the family decision. Turns out I guess my first replies were better, so maybe I should go back to go ahead... http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif

Cool.

[socalgal]

Ok, you Brits, http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif

What the heck does "I'm pants." mean?

Y'all shure do tawk funny ova theya http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif

[richamies]

Did she fall in love with the original Richamies with "PC's/jobs/family/money".., or the one that is going to "Control-alt/delete-end task" of many of the things that made Righamies who he is?

She only knew the richamies with money and fast PC's for 3 months. After that, he moved in with her and is still there 13 months later http://www.sysopt.com/forum/wink.gif.

Rich
http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

[dafremen]

Rich,

I don't know you, but I'll assume you're a rational human being with a good head on your shoulders, so here goes.

Having been married for some 11 years or so, with 4 kids and a trunkload of memories, I consider myself something of an expert on this subject.

Yes, Rich, that day is going to come. You'll look in her doey brown or soft blue eyes and just KNOW that this is the girl for you. It will feel so right, and seem so grand! My advice to you and any OTHER young man in your situation is this:

RUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!! Run like hell. Run for the woods. Run for your life, but by all means man RUUUUNNNNNNN!!!

Once you fall under that evil spell, that's IT yer f**ked. If she REALLY loves you, that makes it even worse. Techies like us weren't MEANT to be domesticated. We were born to roam the online ranges..free and unfettered.

Suure it seems right..surrrree it feels like yer on yer way to heaven...suuuuure you think this is what you want forever. Hey, all of those Jim Jones followers thought the same thing. Can I say two words? Heaven's Gate?! Paradise ain't always the paradise you think it is!

Run man, be free...don't look back at those big beautiful eyes or she'll reel you in for sure. Then you'll be like me. Sitting in your house at your computer, vicariously living the bachelor life through the exploits of your online friends while your children scribble graffiti on your bare back with colored Sharpie fine tip markers.

8)Daffy

P.S. If you ignore my advice and end up stuck with this girl, don't THINK you'll be able to come back on here asking for advice about some PROBLEM you two may have. No way, you had yer chance pal. RUUN!! It's not too late!

P.P.S. To my lovely wife Isabel: I love you my little cosita!!! I'm just kidding about all of this stuff baby!

P.P.P.S. No I'm not man...RUUUUNNNNNN!!!



[This message has been edited by dafremen (edited 03-12-2001).]

[Barney]

Uhmm... he's already living with her for a year...

Ronald http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif

[dafremen]

Poor simple fool. *sigh* (sobbing)

8( Daffy

[richamies]

What the heck does "I'm pants." mean?

Mild version of "I'm ****". Thought it would save you editing one of my posts, Socalgal http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif.

Rich
http://www.sysopt.com/forum/smile.gif