narayan
03-29-2000, 09:07 AM
I see some truth in this....
INSTRUCTIONS FOR WOMEN ...
> 1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the
> last oil change.
> 2. Drink a cup of coffee.
> 3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
> maintained vehicle.
>
>
> INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN ...
> 1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil,
> filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
> 2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking
> back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
> 3. Open a beer and drink it.
> 4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> 7. Place drain pan under engine.
> 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> 9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
> 10. Unscrew drain plug.
> 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in the process.
> 12. Clean up.
> 13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
> 14. Look for oil filter wrench.
> 15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips head screwdriver and twist
> it off.
> 16. Beer.
> 17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
> 18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
> 19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
> 20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
> 21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
> 22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil
> to gasket first.
> 23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> 24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
> 25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> 26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil
> drains onto floor.
> 27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
> 28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
> 29. Begin cussing fit.
> 30. Throw wrench.
> 31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
> (1992) in the left boob.
> 32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
> 33. Beer.
> 34. Beer.
> 35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
> 36. Beer.
> 37. Lower car from jack stands
> 38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
> 39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh
> oil spilled during step 23.
> 40. Drive car 1 quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be time for another
> oil change.
>
INSTRUCTIONS FOR WOMEN ...
> 1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the
> last oil change.
> 2. Drink a cup of coffee.
> 3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
> maintained vehicle.
>
>
> INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN ...
> 1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil,
> filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
> 2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking
> back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
> 3. Open a beer and drink it.
> 4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> 7. Place drain pan under engine.
> 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> 9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
> 10. Unscrew drain plug.
> 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in the process.
> 12. Clean up.
> 13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
> 14. Look for oil filter wrench.
> 15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips head screwdriver and twist
> it off.
> 16. Beer.
> 17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
> 18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
> 19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
> 20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
> 21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
> 22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil
> to gasket first.
> 23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> 24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
> 25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> 26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil
> drains onto floor.
> 27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
> 28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
> 29. Begin cussing fit.
> 30. Throw wrench.
> 31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
> (1992) in the left boob.
> 32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
> 33. Beer.
> 34. Beer.
> 35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
> 36. Beer.
> 37. Lower car from jack stands
> 38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
> 39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh
> oil spilled during step 23.
> 40. Drive car 1 quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be time for another
> oil change.
>