oblivion
03-12-2000, 11:31 PM
hoW To KeEp A HeaLthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOple iNsAnE:
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point your hair dryer at
passing cars to see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Insist that your e-mail address be:
zena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with
that.
5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair
dancing.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
their caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
11. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up
the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
12. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
13. dontuseanypunchtuationorspaces
14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15. Ask people what sex they are.
16. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
17. Sing along at the opera.
18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective
if your boss is the opposite gender.)
20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them where you're going.
For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.
21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.
23. Hum when you ride an elevator.
AnD tHe FiNal wAy tO aNnOy PeOple:
24. Send this to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to
you!
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point your hair dryer at
passing cars to see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Insist that your e-mail address be:
zena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with
that.
5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair
dancing.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over
their caffeine addictions, switch to expresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
10. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
11. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up
the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
12. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
13. dontuseanypunchtuationorspaces
14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15. Ask people what sex they are.
16. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
17. Sing along at the opera.
18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective
if your boss is the opposite gender.)
20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them where you're going.
For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.
21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.
23. Hum when you ride an elevator.
AnD tHe FiNal wAy tO aNnOy PeOple:
24. Send this to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to
you!