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Click to See Complete Forum and Search --> : Just a little Gates joke.


MrEd
09-10-1999, 09:04 PM
-Enjoy-


BILL GATES BUYS A HOUSE

Bill: "There are a few issues we need to discuss."

Contractor: "Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. It's been over 90 days, so, this'll cost you $75, okay?"

Bill: "Uh, yeah... the first issue is the living room. We think it's a little smaller than we anticipated."

Contractor: "Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date."

Bill: "Well, we won't be able to fit all our furniture in there."

Contractor: "Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new, larger living room; or you can use a stacker."

Bill: "A stacker?"

Contractor: "Yeah, it allows you to fit around twice as much furniture into the room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment center on the couch... the chairs on the table... etc. You leave an
empty spot, so when you want to use some furniture you can unstack what you need and then put it back when you're done."

Bill: "Mmmmm, I dunno... Well, let's go on to issue number two: This is the light fixtures. The bulbs we brought with us from our old home won't fit. The threads run the wrong way."

Contractor: "Oh! That's easy. Those bulbs aren't plug and play. You'll have to upgrade to the new bulbs."

Bill: "And the electrical outlets? The holes are round, not rectangular. How do I fix that?"

Contractor: "Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system."

Bill: "You're kidding!?"

Contractor: "Nope. Its the only way."

Bill: " Well... I have one last problem. Sometimes, when I have guests over, someone will flush the toilet and it won't stop. The water pressure drops so low that the showers don't work."

Contractor: "That's a resource leakage problem. One fixture is failing to terminate and is hogging the resources preventing access from other fixtures."

Bill: "And how do I fix that?"

Contractor: "Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the house, turn off the water at the street, turn it back on, reenter the house and then you can get back to work."

Bill: "That's the last straw. What kind of product are you selling me?"

Contractor: "Hey, nobody's making you buy it."

Bill: "And when will this be fixed?"

Contractor: "Oh, in your next house -- which will be ready to release sometime near the end of next year. It was due out this year, but we've had some delays..."


-MrEd
/forum/smile.gif

Bleeding Edge
09-10-1999, 09:35 PM
/forum/smile.gif Leave him alone. /forum/smile.gif

I don't know Bill.
But I like him.

He's the only candidate with a real chance of becoming our world's first trillionaire.



[This message has been edited by Bleeding Edge (edited 09-10-99).]

MrEd
09-10-1999, 09:50 PM
Awww, Come on Bleeding Edge.... You have to admit it is funny, though.

-MrEd
/forum/smile.gif

ANTONIO E GUERRA
09-10-1999, 10:06 PM
I love it! we are still laughing!

welsh wizard
09-10-1999, 10:25 PM
right on, would it be lovally if if if if if if only it were true! hello new posting error, new I shouldn't have used company computer while linux is being installed on the new machine. /forum/smile.gif /forum/wink.gif

socalgal
09-10-1999, 11:43 PM
ROTF!! PnP bulbs hehehe

Bazango
09-11-1999, 02:26 PM
It is worth pointing out that in both jokes, software is being compared with hardware. None of Microsoft's software uses any material substances whatsoever. Houses are made of dead trees. Cars are made of minerals ripped or pumped out of the ground. It is difficult or impossible to make dramatic changes to houses or cars. In order to make dramatic changes to software all it takes is time and skill, also known as money or power.

What is the software equivilant of the Pinto or tract housing? The joke is on us, folks. Bill Gates is our whipping boy, for which he is paid handsomely. Let's not be too distracted by public figures anywhere.

Pollux
09-11-1999, 03:12 PM
Kinda hard to tell a joke nowadays huh folks?

CMonster
09-11-1999, 04:34 PM
The engine performance of almost all modern vehicles is entirely dependant on software/firmware.

Intel hardware runs extreamly well on Linux, and my BeOS is markedly faster than Windows and much more stable on the same exact hardware.

welsh wizard
09-11-1999, 11:50 PM
CMONSTER
tell us more please.
WW
Sorry typo, s got added to tell,


[This message has been edited by welsh wizard (edited 09-11-99).]

CMonster
09-12-1999, 12:13 AM
I really enjoyed that!

did you hear the one about Bill Gates and Lee Iacoca (forgive any spelling error)?

Bill to Lee: "Well if the auto industry had kept pace with the computer industry we'd all be driving V32s at 2000 miles an hour."

Lee: "Yeah, but who wants to drive a car that crashes twice a day?"

KillerBug
09-12-1999, 02:07 PM
Good one! Wish it were true, Bill might see what it is like for us! Perhapse he can move into the Linux house.

U-96
09-13-1999, 04:26 AM
You can't buy a Linux house. You just get some plans and some bricks /forum/wink.gif

Oh yeah, and supposedly it's free too.

U-96

PS Woo! If this is post 10,000, do I win a prize? /forum/smile.gif

[This message has been edited by U-96 (edited 09-13-99).]

nilknarf
09-18-1999, 02:26 AM
Vehicle performance is dependent on the user sitting in the drvier's seat, just like 90% of tech calls are user error.

BTW, good joke, LOL

Here's another,

One day there was a helicopter flying around Seattle. The pilot was trying to get to the airport but he was unfamiliar with area and was lost.

While flying around he spotted a tall building. He decided to fly up near one of the windows where he saw some people. He got out a peice of paper and wrote in big letters "WHERE AM I" and held it up.

The people in the building looked at him funny and wrote a response and held it in the window. It said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER". The pilot nodded and got out his map and found his way to the airport.

After landing, the co-pilot asked him how the response "you are in a helicopter" helped. He smiled and said, "I knew that that must be the Microsoft building because they gave me a technically correct, but totally useless answer."

welsh wizard
09-18-1999, 03:29 AM
nice one.nilknarf /forum/wink.gif

Yoda
09-18-1999, 09:57 AM
Bill is the richest and the sadest man in the world. He could buy anything he wants, but noone loves him really. So in fact he's POOR!

His Motto must be:

[B]eating [I]nternational [L]inux [L]overs [G]rines [A]ll [T]he [E]arth's [S]ouls.