Euphemisms

[omendata]

Anyone got any good uns

This thread could get deleted

Heard a hilarious one today

corn beef cudgel

fish supper- euph. Carnival knowledge (qv) to which a husband is entitled at the end of the day. See get up them stairs

float an air biscuit v. To release a tree monkey (qv) from captivity.

cider visor - state of drunkeness (no use for pulling women)

Casanova’s rubber sock n. Condom; blob; French letter

cheek flapper n. A **** which registers highly on the brap (qv) scale.

Sigourney Weaver rhym. slang Beaver

spear the bearded clam v. A trick involving a spam javelin (qv) and said hairy bivalve.

[RSM1234]

Euphemisms For Stupid People :

Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Chimney's clogged.
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.

Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

Forgot to pay his brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thread.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
If he had another brain, it would be lonely.

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

No grain in the silo.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Receiver is off the hook.
Several nuts short of a full pouch.
Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky's kinked.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little further
apart than most.

[cdroman]

What Those "Code Words" in Personal Ads Really Mean



EUPHEMISM TRANSLATION
____________________________ ________________________________________________
40ish - 52 and looking for 25-year old
Affectionate - Needy, and looking for mother figure
Aging child - Self-centered adult
Ambitious - Ruthlessly exploits people
Appreciates quality - But expects someone else to pay for it
Artist - Unreliable
Athletic - Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Beautiful - Spends a lot of time in front of mirrors
Disease-free - Up to date on mumps vaccinations
Down to earth - Petty and vindictive
Educated - Will always treat you like an idiot
Elegant - Dripping with costume jewelry
Employed - Part-time job stuffing envelopes at home
Enjoy life's pleasures - Overindulged, spoiled brat
Enjoy long walks - Car has been repossessed
Enjoy moonlit nights - Can't pay the electric bill
Excited about life's journey - No concept of reality
Expressive - Being sued for libel
Fashionably thin- Emaciated, with sharply jutting hipbones-
Financially secure - Has $5 in the bank
Flexible - Desperate
Free Spirit - Substance abuser
Friendship first - As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun- Good with a remote and a six pack
Fun-loving - Expects to be entertained
Gentle- Comatose
Good sense of humor- Watches a lot of television
Gourmet cook - Can just about manage microwaving frozen dinners-
High standards- Blind to own flaws, unforgiving of others'-
Honest - Pathological liar
Independently wealthy - Owns millions of worthless dotcom options-
Internet entrepreneur- Big-time spammer
Intuitive - Your opinion doesn't count
Irreverent - Nasty and lacking basic social skills
Life of the party - Poor impulse control
Likes to cuddle- Insecure, overly dependent
Marriage minded- A bigamist
Moody - Manic-depressive
Nontraditional - Ex-wife lives in the basement
Old-fashioned - Lights out, missionary position only
Openminded- Desperate
Outgoing - Loud
Passionate- Loud
Perfect - Has mastered the art of self-delusion
Physically fit- Still breathing
Poet- Boring manic-depressive
Professional - Owns a white button-down
Reliable - Shows up on time, give or take 3 hours
Resourceful - Calls the super to fix a leaky faucet
Self-employed - Jobless
Sophisticated - Spends afternoons at Woolworth's perfume counter-
Soulful - Quiet manic-depressive
Spiritual - Involved with a cult
Spiritually evolved - Subject to delusions and fainting spells
Spontaneous- Picks his nose at traffic lights
Spontaneous/Eclectic - Scatterbrained
Stable - Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Stylish - Slave to every fad that comes down the pike-
Successful - Won $10 in the lottery once
Sultry/Sensual - Easy
Swarthy - Sweaty even when cold or standing still
Thoughtful - Says "Please" when demanding a beer
Unaffected and earthy - Slob and lacking basic social skills
Uninhibited - Lacking basic social skills
Very human - Quasimodo's best friend
Wants Soulmate - One step away from stalking
Writer - Once scribbled on a bathroom stall
Youthful - Over 40, and trying to deny it




Courtesy 'nix Fortune Cookies, Net folklore, and the author's twisted sense of humor

[omendata]

Class CDromgeezer . class!

So true!

You an expert on the Internet dating then CD!
LOL
:D
:t

[cdroman]

Originally posted by omendata


You an expert on the Internet dating then CD!
LOL
:D
:t


No. But I have some friends who frequent the net for dates. LOL


The lights are on, but nobodies home.

:D

[omendata]

Im not ashamed to admit ive met one burd off the net.
We're excellent friends now - no romance but hey ive got another possible on the horizon!

I think dating agencies and stuff are the way to go
I only meet slappers after my money when i go clubbin and pubbin these days - nothin worse than chatting up a drunk woman!

Unless yer after a quick shag!
:D
:t

[tantone]

Unless yer after a quick shag!
Good God man!! Isn't that the bloody point? :confused:

[omendata]

No

some of us are older and want more than just a shag!

Have patience my son and I shall teach thee the ways of the master!

Concentrate feel the force of the.........."""relationship""""!!!
aaaargh

never thought id say that!

:rolleyes:

[tantone]

Well, I own a house with my girlfriend of 4 years. I'm already down that path.

But, when I wasn't, hmmm. That was something that just wasn't a consideration unless it just happened.

The pizza/hamburger thing:

I love pizza. I can have pizza every day, and I still look forward to a nice pizza tomorrow. But, just every now and then, I'll pass by a hamburger joint and my mouth waters. The key is to just keep walking.

[Billforce]

"Just another woogly, woogly wheel in the shopping cart of life" :t

[Bigjakkstaffa]

"It's the badgers nadgers"

--Jakk:t

[j.m@talk]

Originally posted by omendata
No
some of us are older and want more than just a shag!
OMENDATA WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP

Ya being greedy now ;)

[j.m@talk]

Friendship first - As long as friendship involves nudity

Premuim saying :D

[omendata]

sick sick man

:D

:t

PMT over Alert!
phewwwww

[mireland]

I only go out with women I can afford...:eek:

[comp_nut]

Originally posted by mireland
I only go out with women I can afford...:eek:


don't get out much do you,of course she can pay:D

[j.m@talk]

Originally posted by comp_nut
don't get out much do you,of course she can pay:D

Now theres a good idea :D

[tantone]

There was a topic on NPR yesterday talking about this. The guy said that, according to proper etiquitte, the person doing the inviting should be expected to pay. Therefore, never invite.