Ol'Tunzafun
09-06-2003, 08:31 AM
DARWIN AWARDS ( = OH&S Olympics)
Hard to believe, but another year has passed.
For those who don't know it, and we have once again found the Darwin
Award Winning Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to the
persons who died (or almost died) in the stupidest way. Named Darwin
Awards because it is hoped that "Survival of the Fittest" means
something. Hopefully these idiots haven't passed along their
stupidity.
Undoubted winner is number 9.......no deaths involved here either..
Thurston and Billy Ray.....their names tell it all and in living to tell
the tale they defy evolution's odds and can pass on their
stupidity.......but there ARE some close contenders for GOLD !
This year's nominees are:
Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a
shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a
hole in his gut.
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]: James Burns, 34,(a mechanic) of
Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what
police describe as a "farm type truck." Burns got a friend to drive
the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could
ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on
something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the
drive shaft."
Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]: Ken Charles Barger, 47,
accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC,
awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he
reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38
Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]: Police said a lawyer demonstrating the
safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a
pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police
spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto
Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the
strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy
previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according
to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden
Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the
best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.
Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]: A terrible diet and room
with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was
killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body and an autopsy
showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had
consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other
things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that
the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was
hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been
opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his
near airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man
with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the
rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.
Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin made
News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting
South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having
his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal
toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a
wire and was electrocuted.
Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]: A cigarette lighter may have
triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man
using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was
killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, Sheriff's
investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents'
rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was
cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle loader that had not been firing
properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the
gun powder ignited.
Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]: A man cleaning a bird
feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto
suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55,
was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said
Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears the
chair moved and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
Finally, Nominee No. 9, The Winner!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and
struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday.
Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly
after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray
Wallis, 38, of Little Rock were returning to Des Arc after a frog
gigging trip.
On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights
malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the
older model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not
available, Wallis noticed that the .22 calibre bullet from his pistol
fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column.
Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate
properly and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White
River Bridge.
After traveling approximately twenty miles and just before crossing
the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck
Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply right,
exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor
cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to
repair the testicle. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was
treated and released.
"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off
or we might both be dead" stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for ten
years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't
believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said
Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife)
asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from
the truck.
Hard to believe, but another year has passed.
For those who don't know it, and we have once again found the Darwin
Award Winning Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to the
persons who died (or almost died) in the stupidest way. Named Darwin
Awards because it is hoped that "Survival of the Fittest" means
something. Hopefully these idiots haven't passed along their
stupidity.
Undoubted winner is number 9.......no deaths involved here either..
Thurston and Billy Ray.....their names tell it all and in living to tell
the tale they defy evolution's odds and can pass on their
stupidity.......but there ARE some close contenders for GOLD !
This year's nominees are:
Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a
shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a
hole in his gut.
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]: James Burns, 34,(a mechanic) of
Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what
police describe as a "farm type truck." Burns got a friend to drive
the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could
ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on
something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the
drive shaft."
Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]: Ken Charles Barger, 47,
accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC,
awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he
reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38
Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]: Police said a lawyer demonstrating the
safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a
pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police
spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto
Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the
strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy
previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according
to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden
Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the
best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.
Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]: A terrible diet and room
with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was
killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body and an autopsy
showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had
consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other
things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that
the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was
hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been
opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his
near airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man
with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the
rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.
Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin made
News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting
South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having
his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal
toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a
wire and was electrocuted.
Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]: A cigarette lighter may have
triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man
using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was
killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, Sheriff's
investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents'
rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was
cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle loader that had not been firing
properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the
gun powder ignited.
Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]: A man cleaning a bird
feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto
suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55,
was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said
Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears the
chair moved and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
Finally, Nominee No. 9, The Winner!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and
struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday.
Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly
after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray
Wallis, 38, of Little Rock were returning to Des Arc after a frog
gigging trip.
On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights
malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the
older model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not
available, Wallis noticed that the .22 calibre bullet from his pistol
fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column.
Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate
properly and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White
River Bridge.
After traveling approximately twenty miles and just before crossing
the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck
Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply right,
exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor
cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to
repair the testicle. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was
treated and released.
"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off
or we might both be dead" stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for ten
years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't
believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said
Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife)
asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from
the truck.