j.m@talk
02-19-2003, 03:31 PM
In case you needed further proof that the
Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual instructions on consumer products:
1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS
IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING,
KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION
FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids - LIE
DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO **** DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.
9. On a packet of raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR
FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
10. On a hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
11. On a bag of Chips - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)
12. On a bar of soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And
that would be how?)
13. On a Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO
NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)
14. On a Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR
OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)
17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.)
18. On peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts
contain nuts?)
19. On an Airline packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS – OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)
20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
22. On some frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD.
24. On packaging for a steam iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
25. On "Children's" cough medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE
MACHINERY.
26. On Nightly sleep aid: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS!
:D :D :D
Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual instructions on consumer products:
1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS
IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING,
KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION
FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids - LIE
DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO **** DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.
9. On a packet of raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR
FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
10. On a hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
11. On a bag of Chips - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)
12. On a bar of soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And
that would be how?)
13. On a Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO
NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)
14. On a Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR
OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to use in outer space?)
17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.)
18. On peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts
contain nuts?)
19. On an Airline packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS – OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)
20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
22. On some frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD.
24. On packaging for a steam iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
25. On "Children's" cough medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE
MACHINERY.
26. On Nightly sleep aid: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS!
:D :D :D