A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
J/K!!!!:p That was fudgin halarious!!!!!:D :p :D Wow 40,000 votes!:eek: Nice one:t
AllGamer
10-03-2002, 10:28 PM
That sounds like something out of Goodwill hunting :r
gjimene2
10-03-2002, 10:49 PM
that sounds like little old mexico, LOL\
j/k
ironik311
10-03-2002, 11:31 PM
Here is the rest of laughlabs findings:
"Many of the jokes submitted received higher ratings from certain groups of people," Wiseman said. "But this one had real universal appeal."
Researchers found significant differences between nations in the types of jokes they found funny.
People from the UK, the Republic of Ireland, Australia and New Zealand preferred gags involving word play, such as:
PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."
DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."
Americans and Canadians favoured jokes where people were made to look stupid.
TEXAN: "Where are you from?"
HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."
TEXAN: "OK -- where are you from, jackass?"
Meanwhile, many Europeans liked gags that were surreal or made light of serious subjects such as illness, death and marriage:
A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?'
"But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.'"
Marriage-mocking also featured in the top American joke:
"A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
"He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.'
"The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.'"
Animals figured prominently. Take the number one joke in England:
"Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'
"The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
"The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'
"The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'"
The survey revealed other fun facts:
- Of the countries rating the highest number of jokes, Germans, perhaps surprisingly, laughed the most. Canadians laughed least.
- If you want to tell a funny animal joke, make it a duck.
- The most frequently submitted joke, at 300 times, was: "What's brown and sticky? A stick."
Researchers said no one ever found it funny.
The findings can be read at http://www.laughlab.co.uk
$1500-P4 gamer
10-03-2002, 11:45 PM
how about thisen?
"Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the
other day and you have to read his reply to the lady who
interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you got to love this!!!! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster
and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We are going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they will be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them
proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you are equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you are equipped to be a prostitute, but you are not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended."
My bro. emailed that to me. The funniest part is its suposed to be a real interview so he actually said that!
:eek:
Giblet Plus!
10-05-2002, 06:34 PM
LOL $1500-P4 gamer
Funniest thing i've read in a while!
Ammok
10-06-2002, 05:14 PM
Two eggs frying in a pan, one says to the other, "getting hot in here" and the other egg screams "aaaaargh, a talking egg".
(BTW I thought the stick joke was funny)
Man walks into a bar and see Eeyore the donkey sitting a table with £5,000 and swigging a large whisky. Man say to the barman "whats the score with this?".
"ah," says the barman, "if you can make him laugh the money's yours, but if you don't you buy him a big whisky, he's had three bottles worth so far".
Man walks over and whispers in Eeyore ear and the donkey bursts out laughing and the man takes the money.
Next week, Eeyore's back in the bar with another five grand on the table when the man comes in again, "what gives this time" he asks the barman. "this time you gotta make him cry" come the reply. So off the man goes and whithin a minute he's back with the 5k and Eeyore's in tears.
"ok" said the barman, "how you manage it"."easy" said the man, "last wweek I told him I had a bigger weenie than him and this week I showed him."
Boom Boom.
TaXi
10-06-2002, 06:10 PM
How aboot this?
A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ouch! Dammit!" - By me, TaXi:t :t
RampageIII
10-07-2002, 08:47 AM
Two hunters in the woods. One accidentally shots the other. He drags his friend out to the car and rushes to the hospital. Doctor takes a look and says, "We might have saved him if you hadn't gutted him!":eek:
fancyf
10-07-2002, 11:40 AM
A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers.
The woman says, " Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid," said the woman.
The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house.
The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?"
The maid replied, "He is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife."
The woman is fuming. She says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
The maid says, "What will I have to do?"
The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he's with."
The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"
The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here."
A long pause and the woman says, "Is this 832-4821?"
:r
Ammok
10-07-2002, 01:51 PM
LOL:D
A vampire bat, face covered with fresh blood dripping from his lips, swoops silently back into the darkened cavern he calls home.
Nestling down for the night he begins to drop off to sleep.
The smell of fresh blood soon arouses the senses of the other inhabitants of the cave and soon he is being pestered by hundreds of starving frenzied bats.
"begger off," he says, " I'm trying to get some sleep here" but the persistent wail of a thousand starving vampire bats overcomes his need for sleep.
"All bloody right" he screams, "I'll show you" and off he swoops at batneck speed out into the darkness. Followed by the whole bunch of rabid pests all vying to to be first at the blood fest.
Over hill, through dale, along the five mile river they flew, through mountain pass and over rocky domain they struggled to keep up with him as he flew like a demented demon. Until at last they arrived at a huge forest.
In to the dark mass they flew until they they reached the centre of the forest and a deathly hush ensued as they all alighted around the exhuasted bat.
"Now," he says to a myriad of slaviating bats driven to a bloodlust frenzy, " do you see the large oak at the centre of the clearing?
"Yes!!!" they almost scream in unison, " well I flaking didnt"
couch potato
10-07-2002, 10:37 PM
A priest and another guy go golfing. The guy is up first. He swings, but the ball is way off:
GUY: Son of a B*tch, I missed!
PRIEST: Don't say that, or the lord will release his wrath upon you!
GUY: Whatever
So the guy finds his ball, and swings again. he hits it far, but it goes into a pond.
GUY: Son of a B*tch, I missed!
PRIEST: Im warning you, if you say that one more time, the Lord will strike you down!!
GUY: Yeah, whatever
So the guy gets a spare ball out, and swings a third time. It lands in a parking lot.
GUY: Son of a B*tch, I missed!
Suddenly, a lightning bolt flashes down from the sky and strikes the priest, killing him!
The guy hears a big booming voice come from the sky saying: Son of a b*tch, I missed!
:D get it?
muchmark
10-08-2002, 09:11 AM
yea I did :D :D :D
SysOpt.com
Copyright Internet.com Inc. All Rights Reserved.